I am a little over 3 weeks post op and have realized I haven’t updated my blog. Surgery is rough. Chronic illness and chronic pain are also rough. But, as usual the grace of God is greater. I am beyond thankful and blessed to have found a compassionate doctor/surgeon to care for me. He has taken my pain seriously and had gotten to the bottom of things. I am healing very well and my doc is pleased with both the surgery and how I am recovering. I had a rough time before surgery. I arrived in pre op and was very dehydrated and as usual the nurse had a heck of a time finding a vein to start fluids and pain meds. Docs and nurses were in and out and finally my doc came and we went over everything. He even took a surgeon selfie with me before. They wheeled me in and the sweet nurse holding my hand and caressing my forehead said ok time for a nap. Well, they put the anesthesia in my vein and it blew. So, my arm burned for what seemed like an eternity. They started poking around everywhere and couldn’t find a vein. Two more times they found a vein and as soon as the anesthesia went in it blew and I was burning again. Of course I was in a panic because I was laying on an operating table hearing everything and being poked all over my body with needles. The sweet nurse was still by my side. All the nurses, surgeons, anesthesiologist, etc were trying to find a vein. Finally, they brought in an untrasound machine and found a deep vein. Two hours of hell laying awake on the table and I was finally asleep. I woke up in recovery and they kept giving me pain meds. My doc was very glad he did the surgery. He found a bunch of scar tissue behind my uterus and on the nerve and was able to get it all out. He said its old endometriosis. He was very happy he didn’t see any “active” endo. He did other stuff while in there and now we hope with my treatment plan no more endo will be able to grow. I am so thankful for my doctor. It has been a rough few weeks of recovery, but I am encouraged to not have my pain like before the surgery for all these years. My doc has taken great care of me and that has been really reassuring. I have been traumatized by the OR debacle and my anxiety has been terrible but the Shepherd continues to carry me thru every aspect. I’m praying my treatment works for a long time so I can function. I’m so thankful for everyone taking care of me and praying for me. It means the world.
I decided to cancel my membership at Planet Fitness today. My reasons are two-fold.
1. I decided to try one of their “classes” with one of the “trainers.” (I use those terms loosely). I have worked out extensively with trainers in the past and know what my body can handle and how to do things correctly. So, I told the “trainer” I have chronic illness so I know I am not strong enough for certain things. Instead of being encouraging and saying “ok, we will do what you can do and modify as needed” he went in to a LONG spiel about how most illness can be totally preventable and cured if I just work out and eat right. He wouldn’t stop even though I said well, there is no way to prevent the illnesses I have and there is no cure. I can only manage symptoms somewhat. He wouldn’t have it. I felt harassed and discouraged because here I am trying to get strong again in a “JUDGMENT FREE ZONE” and this individual was giving me medical opinion. I was so shocked I didn’t even say anything and that is my fault. I should have reported that to management.
2. Most people are aware of the company’s policies regarding transgender individuals. If you haven’t read the news articles about the woman, here in the great state of Michigan, who was banned from PF because she made a ruckus about a transgender woman in the locker room. Obviously, as a business, I believe planet fitness has every right to have policies in place saying that they allow individuals to choose what gender to identify with and can use the locker room of their choice. However, as a consumer, I have every right not to let them make money off of me. As a woman, I do not feel comfortable in a locker room where are men allowed. And most importantly, as a Christian I don’t feel comfortable supporting a company who outright mocks my Lord and Savior and his beautiful creation. I get very tired of people being politically correct and trying to please every little sexual perversion that comes up in society. We are being brainwashed that this behavior is normal and should be accepted when in the Bible it’s clearly an outright sin against God.
So, I am disappointed because I love working out at a gym and am trying to get strong despite my health set backs. I can’t afford any other gym but Pure Michigan is coming into spring so I will be able to enjoy the great outdoors. I hope more Christians will follows suit and cancel their memberships.
I found out yesterday I will be having surgery three weeks from today. After years of excruciating pain that has gotten progressively worse and more constant, my doc is going in to have a looksie. I’ve always had a high tolerance for pain. I mean come on. I’ve had kidney stones and have several tattoos. But, I’m at my wits end with this pain. I’ve barely been able to function and my doc keeps sending me back to the ER for pain control. He suspects endometriosis. I am to the point where I just want answers. Life has been very hard and not what I expected my 30th year to look like. I already have a chronic illness and I don’t want any other ones. So, please pray for me and my doctor. Pray he will go in and find exactly what is causing my pain so we aren’t back to square one. I’ve gone through mystery illnesses before and it’s just not fun. I’m praying this will be different and he can get to the bottom of it. I don’t care how bad it is. I just want him to find what is going on. I’m so thankful for a compassionate and wise doctor to help me through all this.
Fifty Shades of Grey. By now everyone has heard of it. People have read the book and are awaiting to see the film in theaters. Count me out. I have watched the effects of this lifestyle unravel people, families and communities.
Recently, in Detroit, Bob Bashara was convicted of first-degree murder of his wife. Prosecutors unraveled his secret BDSM lifestyle and used this as a motive to have his wife killed. I have known Bob for almost two years now. As a volunteer prison chaplain, I write and visit people who are incarcerated. Over the past two and a half years I have been in contact with over a dozen different inmates. My goal is to share the love and hope I have in Jesus Christ to these dear people who have been cast away from society. Even though people need to pay their debt to society because sin and breaking the law have severe consequence, it does not mean they are worthless trash to be forgotten. Several young people I have befriended have been convicted of murder. Thankfully, my job is not in the legal realm to decide if they are guilty or innocent. My job is to be their friend. I show up and do life with them.
Back to Fifty Shades of Grey. I urge everyone not to support it. I am not sure how any self respecting woman could read/watch it let alone work on the film in any way. This movie does not depict love, it promotes lust, abuse and control. Love is gentle, self-sacrificing and joyful not violent, controlling and manipulative. No woman should ever feel so insecure to put herself in a “relationship” of this kind. Just as I tell all my inmates, our worth can only be found in Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, so many young females will see or hear about this porn movie and think it’s ok to demean themselves to this level to please a man.
I suppose this short post is two-fold. One, sexual sin is ugly and Hollywood only perpetuates it. Two, healing and forgiveness is always possible with Christ. I love the unlovely because Christ loves me. We are all guilty of sin and are in the exact same need of God’s forgiveness whether it be for murder or talking behind someone’s back. So, I will continue to be a good friend to Bob and all my other dear ones in prison just as Christ continues to pursue me despite my disobedience to him. I am honored to be the friend of the friendless.
After another episode of excruciating pain and seeing my doctor on Monday, he sent me to the ER to get looked at. I am home now and they still don’t know what is going on but I will be following up with a new doctor on Monday to see if I am having more autoimmune problems. Being admitted in the hospital is obviously not fun and now I am exhausted, in pain and just not feeling well.
But, the most annoying part of the whole stay is the pregnancy test. I understand doctors have to cover themselves from legal issues when performing CT scans and can’t be scanning pregnant ladies. However, it shows where our culture is morally. Doctors never believe me that when I say there is no chance I am pregnant, I mean THERE IS NO CHANCE I AM PREGNANT. They don’t even let you sign a waiver to not do the test. So, because I have chosen to follow God’s commands to save sex for marriage, I have to pay for unnecessary medical tests when my bills are already sky high. Well, that and the fact that so many women lie about saying there’s no chance they are pregnant.
Because the doctors thought my case may have been a medical emergency, I didn’t fight it because I really did need that CT scan. But, it still made me angry. Our country is all for abortion and killing human life, but heaven forbid a baby gets nuked in an X ray machine? Make up your mind America.
These situations do give me the opportunities to share my faith with all my doctors. For once, I would like some respect shown from doctors for my decisions on purity instead of getting grilled and treated as a liar for my life choices. It’s very sad this is now the norm in our society. I pray that young girls who follow Christ will have the courage to stand up for their beliefs and find their worth and identity in Christ and his plan for marriage instead of caving to the cultural norms. It’s worth it.
As far as my ongoing health problems, I am thankful for finally having some doctors who will fight for me as a whole, even when my health issues aren’t in their specialty because they want me to get to the bottom of things. God continues to provide even though I don’t always understand His ways!
This year is coming to a close. I look back at a very interesting one indeed. I’ve experienced having literally nothing in my apartment to eat at one point, to now living in a house with plenty. He’s allowed all my specialists to figure out my health problems from all these many years. While I’m not healed, I have answers and have gone from not being able to work to working a few different jobs. I’m not in a place I want to be, but God continues to teach me it doesn’t matter. He has me where he wants me and teaches me that if I am obedient, he will use me like Moses wherever I go in the most exciting ways. He’s saved me from toxic Christians and has brought wonderful and patient people in my life. He has given me friends who are in prison to stretch me and grow me in my knowledge and love of Christ. My family continues to bless me. I am learning more and more material things are worthless. I am trying to invest myself in others’ lives. I have sacrificed so much this year and it has been so difficult. God is faithful. Even through these crazy trying times, I have laughed my head off and am thankful. I struggle with a lot, but the struggle is with the Shepherd by my side leading. When I have terrible days full of physical pain and exhaustion, I am proud of myself for getting things done and being able to just enjoy the day. My circumstances do not define me. This babbling post is just a small way to praise God for his provisions as I start to think of the new year, whatever it might bring!
I had a pastor tell me years ago I would never amount to much leadership-wise in that church because I didn’t even attend a Christian college. What? While this statement was just one of a long list of off base comments revealing the true heart of the philosophy within that body, it stuck with me like the verses saying do not let anyone look down on you because you are young. I have so much to learn and am usually quite teachable. However, I have been thru a lot and have done more in my 29 years on this earth than most people. God is capable of using anyone he wants. He calls who he wants and equips them to do His work. He doesn’t call the equipped. I have been spreading the gospel fully and expectantly and wow, I don’t have a degree from a Christian University. My college years were so much fun and God taught me so much that I would have never received from a “Christian” place. So, I say this to encourage you! Wherever God has you, he can and will use you especially if you are obedient. Don’t be like me and take unbiblical comments seriously from people with ‘spiritual authority.’ God does not define us by our education, vocation, financial position, etc. None of this matters. What matters is if we live out His Word in our every day lives and are the hands and feet of Jesus!
My heart breaks today. In fact, I’m even angry. But, more than being angry, I am just sad. I’ve been seeing more and more posts on social media, and just talking with people who claim to be bible believing Christians say and write stuff that clearly does not reflect the Bible. These people claim they have received more revelation and now believe (fill in the blank). Yet, these so called revelations go directly against scripture. The Bible is very clear that it is the final authority on all matters and we are not to add to it. 2 Tim. 3:16, Proverbs 30:6, Revelation 22:19.
We, as the Bereans in Acts 17 did, need to be faithful by searching the scriptures when we hear of any teaching. We don’t want to be manipulated by teachings that sound good and are ‘just a little off’ because that is where satan gets a foothold. Teachers who claim anything other than what scriptures say are heretics and will be judged for leading Christ’s sheep astray.
The Holy Spirit dwells within us to convict and comfort us and I am thankful for this as we are in times with lots of false teachers around us. I am confident that God’s word will continue to stand true and Christ will continue to be exalted despite satan trying to distract us.
For those who do not know, Shonda Rhimes is the woman who created Greys Anatomy, Scandal, and now How to Get Away with Murder among others. She is an amazing storyteller with relatable characters. I enjoy her over the top story lines and character development. She has done a great job at captivating audiences and leaving us wanting more.
The more I analyze her work, I have to wonder if she is really accomplishing what she sets out to do. She wants strong, female leads while tackling social and political issues. While her story lines continue to draw me in, I notice they all have a huge similarity. The characters all sleep around…in a major way. I suppose sex sells and that is the thing that brings in viewers, but doesn’t that take away from trying to build strong, confident, female leads? Having the characters succumb to casual sex, shows me that these characters are not the confident women Shonda wants them to be. It shows me they are so insecure and lack self control that they will give into temptations of the moment instead of sticking by moral values. Sleeping with a married man because it feels right and we are in love? Sure!! Keep ’em coming! These shows are based on the premise that the end justifies the means. Do whatever it takes to come out on top without consequence. These women are not role models, they are sluts!
Of course this is TV and it’s not real and it’s meant to entertain. I watch these shows, but am wondering more and more what my justification is in doing so. Food for thought from a TV Junkie!