Pregnancy

I hope you liked that click-bait title. 🙂 Be still and wait.

Those words seem to be the theme right now. My life is not going the way I dreamed and thought it would. I am impatient. I want to be strong physically and mentally. God has His ways. They are higher than mine. I keep having to tell myself I only see a small sliver of what God is doing in my own life and others. My body has gone through menopause and now we are tricking it into thinking it’s pregnant. I don’t get a lovable baby at the end. When my body is done thinking it’s pregnant, I will most likely have another surgery to cut out the disease that has grown. Even in a real pregnancy, waiting and what ifs exist. What will the baby look like? Will he or she be healthy? How hard will the delivery be? So many unknowns. So much faith needed.

No matter how my body and mind get out of whack, God carries me through the waiting without letting me go. He is my Creator and knows exactly what is happening. The constant news of people getting married and getting pregnant and buying a house or getting a promotion sometimes hurts and leaves me asking why not me? He loves me, He knows me and He wants me. I want to be strong. I am strong.