The girl who cried ‘Abba’

Abba! My Abba! You are so good to me. I’ve cried your name so much lately for so many different reasons and you answer. You delight in me. You pursue me. You love me. What have I done to deserve your love? Grace. You pour out your grace…and mercy and hope. I am reeeeally good at being overwhelmed, and even better at panicking. You know my brain inside and out. My brain with its garbled bipolar system is fearfully and wonderfully made. I know your works are wonderful. The panic disorder, the bipolar disorder and all my other medical problems are just circumstance. You have and will use these messes to be a message to your glory. My my overwhelmed heart and mind be turned into an ovation of Christ Jesus. May my panic vanish to peace only Christ can give. May the bipolar force me to turn my eyes to Jesus and believe what he says to me. Joshua 1:9

Abba, I belong to you!

Your foundsheepkatie

Two of my heros

I don’t pick heros easily. But here are two of them. One I know personally, the other doesn’t even know I exist. They both have similar qualities that make me love them. They are both men who LOVE Jesus. I mean really, really love Jesus. This love seeps from them and you can’t help but want to know Jesus because of them. They both are honest. They will tell you the do NOT have it all together…wounded healer…ragamuffin…sinner saved by grace. This is such a foreign concept to me. I am so used to seeing leaders act like they have it all together, who rarely apologize, and well, aren’t genuine. My two heros are not like this. They are honest about their messes and let God use them to show others that we are all messes who God can use.

These men know how to love the hurting. The love loving the hurting, those who society rejects. I want to be like that because Jesus is like that. Jesus gave me these men as examples of practically loving the unlovely. They love the Word of God and live the Word of God.

Who are these men?

Brennan Manning- google him. Kicked out as a catholic priest, alcoholic, divorced. A lover of Jesus and grace. He has been teaching me that I belong to Abba and I can trust Abba.

Kevin Butcher- haven’t known him very long- maybe since June. But, I’ve known of him thru mutual friends for a while. He’s a safe person for me. He’s patient even though I have a hard time believing what he says. He has a lot of people in his life but has let me adopt him as my dad and always reminds me I’m a daughter of God. He shows me Christ by being someone who isn’t going anywhere and who doesn’t let me “ascribe motive” to him as he calls it by telling him I know he will act a certain way because that’s just what people have done in the past. Jkevinbutcher.com

I’m thankful for them and many other people in my life and I like to tell people because I want them to be encouraged when they impact my life, not to put them on pedestals. God has richly blessed me.

experiencing God’s love

This post may not make sense to anyone but me but I feel like I have to write it as my life is changing so much right now. I have known in my head and heart that God loves me for most of my life. He says he loves me and I believe him. To be totally honest, I have never experienced his love in such a real way as I have the past few months. He loves me and he has been using people to show me that love and I am finally able to start seeing it. The author Brennan Manning has been very influential in this. I’m overwhelmed by Christ when I read his works. My church family in general have been very instrumental along with specific friends and mentors. I have a new adopted dad who is showing me concepts that are totally foreign to me and that I have a really hard time with, but he loves me and I might actually be starting to believe him. He gets me. It’s overwhelming, in a good way I guess. I have people in my life who love me for me. Not because I behave in the way they want or because I am rich or have an impressive career. Again, new concepts for me. It sounds so dumb. Like, I should have gotten this quicker, but somehow that is what I have learned in my life and it’s definitely not Biblical thinking. People don’t just put up with me because they have to. They love me and are showing me how God sees me. I have never been in environments where I have felt this way before. And to think that if I hadn’t gone thru the trials I have gone thru I would not be experiencing this joy right now because I would have been satisfied with the status quo! I have a mom and sister who listen to my rants and passionate ideas and who I can laugh my head of with and tease. I have a grandma who I take after and causes trouble wherever she goes, just like me. She prays with me and tries to convince me to vote how she votes and likes to hear what I am doing and plays all the word games on the ipad. I have a grandpa who makes sure I have toilet paper and fire extinguishers and flash lights on hand for any potential emergency. I have my adopted siblings who are hilarious and who keep me honest and remind me to have fun and not be serious and who put up with my Ron Paul rants!

I have no job, literally no money, have 2 chronic illnesses that are well…interesting… but, wow! I seriously have so much joy in Jesus. Even when I can’t get my brain out of panic mode and when I am not happy. I am so loved and know that I know Christ and am sooooo beyond gracious he has chosen to reveal His love to me in such practical ways that I can see so clearly with my wounded brain and heart of mine!

To God be the Glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good reads

I’m a bookworm. I have probably written about what makes me like a good book, whether it be fiction or nonfiction. But, it’s on my mind right now, so I will say it again. I love a good, emotional story I can immerse myself in and feel like I know the characters. I love strong, solid books that lead me to my Shepherd. Most of all, the books I read that cause me to put them down so I can open my Bible are the ones that stick with me. Here are some authors who accomplish this for me…check them out!

Lynn Austin
Neta Jackson
Terri Blackstock
Jerry Jenkins
Ted Dekker
Ann Voskamp
Linda Dillow
Brennan Manning
Brother Lawrence
Francis Chan

(I am sure I have left some out. I will add as I remember)

*Who would you add to my list?